Let's be honest. There isn't a human on the planet who longs for hard things. There are millions who walk through, deal with, endure and bear up under hard things constantly, but I am very confident there was no longing in their hearts for these circumstances. None of us wants to sign up for the hard road, we just find ourselves on it. The last week has been a hard left turn onto a road we would not put on our bucket list of journeys we want to take. On Thursday Alex was given the news that the 2 lymph nodes they surgically removed a week ago today revealed he has Hodgkins Lymphoma. So that pretty much sucks.
We're currently in a week of limbo while he waits to see an oncologist this Friday. And if you know me at all, you know that I've spent quite a bit of time in limbo. I've done my best to make it cozy here, so hopefully you can find a comfy place to sit, cause that's what we're doing... sitting in limbo. I'm never sure if dead air time like this is a good thing ie. it gives one time to adjust to the news, ponder the meaning of life, straighten out wiggly priorities, give the house a good once over, finally clean that gross fan you've been putting off, plant a few bulbs in very unhealthy soil in hopes of flowers next spring, decide to organize every mislaid paper, purge the closet, etc, etc, etc. But it also gives room for unhelpful thoughts, the desire to crawl into bed and disappear, eating your feelings, re-living past cancer experiences, lamenting loss, hating hard left turns, discouragement, sadness, and basically all the negative emotions available. Setting the mind on the good is always a challenge, but this? It feels like a pop quiz.
So what do I remember from previous hard roads?
1. Don't borrow tomorrow's trouble, today has enough of it's own. Just do today.
2. Cry if you need to. Don't put it off, stuff it down or think it can wait. If you feel like crying, do it.
3. Remember that there is no human experience Jesus hasn't walked through himself. He knows.
4. This unforeseen turn of events for us is by no mean unforeseen by God. (This one can be tricky as it raises all kinds of questions that I'm not even going to touch at the moment. But I might get back to pondering some of them later.)
5. Give yourself and others leeway, grace, patience and margin. This is hard. Everyone responds to hard things differently. It's ok.