Monday, July 14, 2014


In those days… {in these days}, I often feel "undone".  At my end, tired of grappling with the hard…. like so many broken pieces on the floor.  I felt that we had shot for the moon with building our house and business and the fall back to earth when it all came crashing down was more than I could handle.

Why do I tell you this?   Maybe because I think we tend to hide the hard and to hide from the hard. If there is one thing I've learned on this stretch of road it's that you can never really tell what is happening in someone's life from the outside looking in.  She could be walking by completely undone, and you just don't know it.  Be gentle.  

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Why do we seem to look back to look forward?

Maybe you are not one of those people who look back.  More power to you my friend.  I, on the other hand, look back.  Maybe it was the influence of my dad, who had seen his share of days before I was even a glimmer in the eye.  Maybe it's just the way I am.  For me, starting this blog is my way of looking back to look forward.  Do I want to mull over the past forever?  No.  But I am not willing to dismiss it out of hand and say, "what's done is done" and not try to understand the hurt either.

I often think of this process as a wound.  When you are first wounded you don't want to touch that spot!  Not with a 10 ft pole!  You do your best to keep it clean, well cared for and let it heal.  There will come a day when you might touch that wounded spot with tender fingers… just testing it's ability to take that gentle probing.  But it's a long time before you can point to that wound as a scar and tell the tale.  In the beginning it's just to painful.  I think I'm in the gentle probing stage.  Some of the pain is gone… maybe even most, but if it's pressed too hard the tears still flow.

It's not just about a house, by the way.  It's about dreams lost.  Broken.  Not just dreams of a lovely house in the foothills of CO… no, that dream had a twin, very different in temperament, but born at the same time and it's name was VERGE.