Friday, October 20, 2023

All I can do...

Ugh. Well, the PET scan results were not what we were hoping for. It revealed a baseball sized tumor in Alex's chest under his lungs and a bunch of other smaller tumors throughout his torso.  So with this information his oncologist has assessed that he's stage 2 unfavorable (the unfavorable part being these extra tumors, that they span 3 regions of his lymph system and the rate at which they are growing).  He begins chemotherapy a week from today. 

Alex being his best philosophical self

What can be said? Are we happy to know that in the midst of everyday life, the laughter, activities, bustle and flow of living, a silent cancer has been quietly growing? No. Are we glad that Alex's university studies, his hard fought for financial aid, his job and happy life rhythms are all on hold while he battles disease? No. Are we looking forward to all that he will have to endure over the next however many months? No. 

None of what we are experiencing at the moment is within my control.  And the truth?  Life isn't within my control, even when I think it is. Times like this bring that reality home. So what does lie within my control? Only my response. And so it is that I am bringing my whole self, my dislike of these circumstances, my anxieties, my sadness, my anger, my disappointments, my fears, my hopes, my questions... ALL the things to the only One who is actually in control. Every day I'm going to do my best to leave the whole heaping mess with Him.  It's all I can do.

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