words

they were there, the words on my tongue,

anxiously awaiting release. Just a crack, a sliver,

a hint of an opening and off they would fly... warriors

defending the right, evil minions bent on destruction,

sweet simple truth armed to the teeth... out for blood.

but I swallowed them back, all of them. Choked them down

with their acid burn. 

How noble.

gone

gone

salt trails. soul bending pain.

longing to wield a weapon, settling for a name.

soundless crushing of hope.

search - it is no more.

quiet, dead and gone - pieces on a dirty floor.

conundrum

Somehow it's a perfect word... conundrum.  Life feels like a conundrum.  I am like a charred plant that could potentially reach out a new tendril of growth but for the fear of the flame...the scorching heat of the desert.  Reach or don't.  It's a conundrum.

"What he really wanted to say was: have you felt this?  This phantom life streaking like a phosphorescent hound at the edges of your ruin?"  {"The Solace of Leaving Early"}

Maybe it sounds strange, but that's a bit of how I feel... there is this illusive life streaking by on the edges of existence.  I catch it out of the corner of my eye and for a second I feel this surge of hope... maybe...

co·nun·drum

kəˈnəndrəm/

noun

1. a confusing and difficult problem or question.

   "one of the most difficult conundrums for the experts"

   synonyms:

   problem, difficult question, difficulty, quandary, dilemma;  informalposer