When asked to take "no" for an answer...

 I've been thinking of late about taking "no" for an answer. 

How that sits with my American culture and upbringing. 

How that sits with my pride and self obsession. 

How that sits with my charismatic Christian training. 

Mostly it doesn't sit well. My culture and upbringing have told me, "Don't take no for an answer!" My pride and selfishness says, "You don't deserve this, you've had enough hard." My charismatic Christian training insinuates, "Cancer isn't God's will, your faith isn't strong enough, your knock isn't loud enough, you don't know the secret code to get God to move on your behalf."

Out of the 3, the last feels the most tricky to navigate. Mostly because there is a mix of truth and falsehood there, so it takes intention to separate them out. 

John 10:10 – “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Matthew 4:23-24 – Jesus went through Galilee “healing every disease and sickness among the people.”

Jeremiah 30:17 – “But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord.”

Clearly God did not originally design disease, brokenness and sickness for his creation, that all came as a result of sin. But does that mean God doesn't use this reality to shape me? I don't think so. And is it up to me to convince God to basically do my will? Honestly, this feels sticky for me. This mixed truth that God didn't design disease and yet He uses it to help accomplish our training. Nothing comes to me but through His hand, so how am I to view this current circumstance? I can't view it as entirely God's will (He didn't design disease) or entirely not His will (He allowed it into my life). 

2 Corinthians 12:7–9 – “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me… But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’”

John 9:1–3 – When the disciples asked why a man was born blind, Jesus answered: “This happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

Romans 5:3–4 – “We glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

Philippians 3:10 – “I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.”

1 Peter 4:12–13 – “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you… But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”

Once again I find myself squarely in the both/and of God. If I think I can perfectly discern God's design for my life or Alex's, I am wrong. Only He knows the plans He's laid out. Can I beg, plead and cajole God into changing His plan? Honestly, I don't know. Maybe. I know for sure I'm allowed to try! I definitely know that I can ask and cry and ask and beg and ask and knock and pound my fists on God's chest, He gives me this open invitation to do so. 

Hebrews 4:16 – “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” 

Psalm 86:3 – “Have mercy on me, Lord, for I call to you all day long.”  

Hebrews 5:7 – “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.”

I think God definitely asks me to take "no" for an answer. I have asked for Alex's healing with every fiber of my being, with prayer, supplication and fasting and God has said no. At least not right now, and not in the miraculous instant way I would prefer. So that leaves me sitting with a test of faith and trust. Do I trust the character of God? Can I take his "no" as the best answer right now? Am I serving God with my life because of the good things He brings into it or because I believe in and worship Him?

Romans 8:35, 37–39 –

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? … No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life… nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” 

“Christ did not suffer so you wouldn’t suffer. He suffered so when you suffer you will become like Him.” - Tim Keller