Today was meant to be a day that brings more clarity, and instead it's another day of waiting. Alex was scheduled for a PET scan today that would reveal if the chemotherapy is working or not. It’s a fork in the road with his treatment and whatever it shows will either make the path ahead a bit easier or much harder. And so it is that we have been waiting on this day with a mix of hope and dread. As I’m here, in this waiting, I’ve been contemplating why it’s so incredibly hard to hold the tension of outcomes in life. I think as a human I struggle with the work of being still and waiting. Ask me to do almost anything else, but please don't ask me to wait in the tension of not knowing.
About 6 years ago God highlighted to me this scripture:
“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14
How beautifully simple. How excruciatingly hard.
I’m sitting in this today. I’m trusting that God is fighting this battle, for my part? I’m doing my best to be still. To wait. And if the battle turns in a direction that to me looks bad, I’m going to continue to trust, to wait, to be still. It’s all I can do.