conundrum

Somehow it's a perfect word... conundrum.  Life feels like a conundrum.  I am like a charred plant that could potentially reach out a new tendril of growth but for the fear of the flame...the scorching heat of the desert.  Reach or don't.  It's a conundrum.

"What he really wanted to say was: have you felt this?  This phantom life streaking like a phosphorescent hound at the edges of your ruin?"  {"The Solace of Leaving Early"}

Maybe it sounds strange, but that's a bit of how I feel... there is this illusive life streaking by on the edges of existence.  I catch it out of the corner of my eye and for a second I feel this surge of hope... maybe...

co·nun·drum

kəˈnəndrəm/

noun

1. a confusing and difficult problem or question.

   "one of the most difficult conundrums for the experts"

   synonyms:

   problem, difficult question, difficulty, quandary, dilemma;  informalposer